The (Unexpected) Grief of Letting Go

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the theme for September, which was setting down your (metaphorical) wands. Really assessing what are we meant to carry, what are we meant to set down, what are we meant to pick up, and how can we make carrying our burdens easier.

But what is often not talked about is the sometimes unexpected grief of letting go.

We’re excited to move forward! Tackle new challenges! Why would there be grief?

We have to make peace with walking away from something that previously served us or that we hoped might serve us.

The wands we carry, and the achievements we’ve had… we had to do the WORK to pick up those wands.

We needed every tactic, every strategy we currently use, to survive the world and get to where we are today.

Which means that setting aside some of that work, some of those stories and operating models, means we have to set aside what we know has worked for us before in service of what is our work and calling to do ahead of us.

There’s an unexpected grief that comes when we set down what has worked for us before. A loss of our past identity, a perception that we’re now doing it “wrong”, a feeling that we’ve “failed” because we are leaving some work in the past.

And a lingering question… how do I operate in a new world where I’ve set aside some stories and work that no longer serves?

Who will I be in the future if I set this aside?

Acknowledge the Loss

Who were you when you picked up this work? How have you changed? What have you learned from the experience?

How did the past work and past stories serve you? What might be new ways to get those needs met as you move forward?

I tend to see this in business owners as they level up from solopreneur to CEO. You had to hustle, to do all of the work in your business, to nurture this baby business to health. And you were rewarded for it with a thriving business that is now ready for its next stage.

I’ve felt it as I’ve stepped away from corporate. Over 20 years of being perfectionist, working at all hours of the day, seeking approval of authority figures, hiding my gifts to blend in, fearing that the loss of my community is one re-org away. But how will I know I’m successful without that external approval, without those tangible expressions of my worth?

And it feels scary as all get out to turn away from that definition of success. Acknowledge that shifting identity and the patterns that may arise as you shift to a new level in your field.

Begin to Look Ahead

Only when we’ve truly acknowledged that we are leaving pieces of our story behind, can we begin to look ahead.

What’s possible for you when you leave behind the old work, the old stories, or ask for support?

What’s possible for you to create?

And who do you have to BE when you move forward to step into that potential?